apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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