Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
