oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
