Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
