Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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