i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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