he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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