Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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