Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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