Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
