If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
