haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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