haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just pee around me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.