$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You're a waste of cheezeits
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets