Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?