Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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