So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.