I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
