you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
