Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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