i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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