Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
