xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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