she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
