1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
