he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
