After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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