apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
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It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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