So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
