I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
