so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
