the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
mondays should just be called national damage control day
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
