The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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