He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
