my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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