is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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