I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
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I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
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yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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