I'm really into asian looking animals
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
