I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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