He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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