hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
