i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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