I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
