she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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