he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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