Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
