My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
