He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
