last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
