I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
