If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
