no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
