I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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