if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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