God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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