at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
