she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
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Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
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Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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