I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
