the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
ok first of all what the fuck
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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