I just threw up on my dentist
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
