Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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