Screwed.edu
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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