at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
