my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Your cock deserves a montage
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
