pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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