It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
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At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
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I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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