Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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