a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
